Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
