Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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