You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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