if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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