Non-Jews are for practice
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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