i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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