Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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