it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
