Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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