I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize