Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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