OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
