i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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