Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
