4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
