So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
