You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
