Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
