Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
