i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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