We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
