it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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