after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
