There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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