You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize