He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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