he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
