Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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