You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
