a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
