We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All the doctor said was why
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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