This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
