I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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