Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
