Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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