My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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