i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
