Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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