a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
