I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize