I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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