trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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