did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
