Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i've created a new STD.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
