just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
