so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need to calm my uterus...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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