What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
