I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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