At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
