I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
