Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
