Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
