sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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