my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
