I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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