Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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