fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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