We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
