Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
