are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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