I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
