tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
