So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
