It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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