This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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