guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
