Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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