just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
