She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
