I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
