Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
