just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
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I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize